Mmmmm.
I'm here to just say how I feel today.
And whatever that has happened today.

My dad bought my brother a TV.
That is being placed in his room.
So that he can play his playstation.

To me.
Is it fair.
Honestly.
I think my parents indulge him too much.
I DON'T EVEN HAVE A TV IN MY ROOM!
That's not the main point anyway.

My point.
He's too spoilt.
More spoilt than me.
GOSH!
Bad enough he is just doing clerical work at the army when he is due to go in.
And now he has a god-damn TV in his room.
I swear he now doesn't even have to leave his room.
My parents should just build him a toilet in his room as well.

My mum...
Being worried that I'd say things are unfair.
Which I think it is.
She came in and asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
Which is not even here till November.
It is not even till 3 months.

So I said I want a car.
So she said I would have to ask my dad about that.
Then I told her.
I want cash as in MONEY.

End of the day.
I waltz into my parents room.
And said if I pass my driving test.
I want a brand new car.
And I want $300 for my birthday.

My dad said...
He wasn't sure if I would pass my test.
And so did my mum.
And they think that I'm asking for too much money.
GOSH.
They still own me like $800 lah!
$300 is barely half of what they own me.

My point is.
I hate it when people never believe me.
It's like they can literally predict.
That I'll definitely fail my driving test.
Sighhs.

I surprised my mom with my PSLE results.
As well as my O levels results.
They didn't think I'd do that well.
I like to prove them wrong.

But it hurts to know that they never really believed you in the first place.
I feel like to them I'm a disappointment.
Do I suck that much?

I don't want to disappoint anyone.
Sometimes I end up doing things I hate cause I hate to disappoint people.
I don't feel happy anymore.
GOSH.
Suddenly there's this lump forming in my throat.
Threatening to make me cry any moment.
It sucks at home these days.

Everything is turning messy.
Family.
Friendship.
Love.
It is turning upside down.

I hate myself for always falling in love with people that are not right for me.
Cause I can see the disappointment in their eyes.
All the disapproving glares.
The shaking heads.
The endless sighing from people.

I'm sorry if I turned out to be a disappointment.
because life is transitory.

All this shit makes me feel stressed.
I try not to let it show though.
But I feel stressed enough to feel upset.
Or is it the other way round?

<3 meiyun